Hangovers

So like any other cliché blog would do, let me ask some "thinking questions". What truly is a hangover? Is there a genuine time it starts and ends? Does it necessarily only have to do with drinking alcohol. The Webster's Online dictionary defines a hangover as "a letdown following great excitement or excess." So shouldn't that apply to every aspect that could be described a "rollercoaster" effect? Allow me to now explain the situation I am in. Tomorrow is my One year anniversary but guess where I'll be, alone experiencing the hangover that had just begun. Today I celebrated my anniversary with my boyfriend, Kyle, and it was amazing some of the activities enjoyed today include but aren't limited to a Pittsburgh trip (to put a lock on a bridge), a zoo trip ( why not?), Red Lobster ( My favorite), too many candles (inside joke), a trip up chimney rocks (jeans.... probably aren't the best idea), star gazing, and most of all an amazing boyfriend that cares soooo much!!! Now its all gone it has been exactly 42 minuets 46 seconds since he left and it hurts so badly already. My answer to when it starts, I want to say that it is always there it just waits to strike even during the excitement so I ask you in this exact time when I truly feel my entire beating heart is on its way to Virginia beach, what do I do?

Me

Let me talk a little about depression focusing on my own. It's kind of weird I feel I'm bipolar which is what causes it. But it's more than that. I WANT to be happy and usually I am until I take something personal. I can take any shit from anyone as long as they aren't close to me the closer they are the more vulnerable I am t getting hurt easily. So the depression usually is like a free fall starting up at the top. I'm happy then I drop at the initial comment which isn't supposed to mean anything but hits a weak spot then I drag myself up, not as high but up, ,some. Then another hit comes and I star acting sad or "out of it". Then people ask what's wrong and I cant say what's wrong, because I'm just sad because somebody hit a weak spot that is stupid in the first place. So after they ask and I say I'm fine they move on when I expect comfort they hold your hand for five minuets then enjoy themselves by playing games when I push away seeing how much they really care then get ignored and then  I sit here crying in the dark, lost. Then I sleep and do it all over again. When will it end? Will I ever find more comfort than a blanket? Probably not... He makes me happy when I'm already happy. But doesn't when I'm not.

Look!!!!

WHY CANT YOU SEE? I shouldn't have to tell you I'm sad or when I want comfort. I think not responding and obviously acting like myself should show something. Fucking care!!!!!!! Don't leave issues alone help me. Or at least get me  acting normal again. Why do you just look away when I'm sad? You have to notice I was practically in tears! Or after me playing "to be with you" watching the lyrics

 That means nothing?? I just am tired of sounding like the bad one for expecting a relationship not al friendship. I just don't know anymore. 

Btw your back doesn't help.....

All the Small (Big) Things

Why am I sad?

 To be honest I have no idea.............

Well exact idea. I'm tired of the small things. The small thing of a teacher you looked up to one minuet in a blink of an eye crash your whole view of someone you once held high. Or maybe it's a small thing of not being able to finish a math test because your too slow (Is speed is more important then checking your work?) Or maybe it's hiding a relationship that I can't show the world. Or maybe it's a small thing having the chance to do something you really wanted to do that could teach you something but instead of that two people get to redo it for a second time. Or maybe something small like wanting a college sooooo bad that you cover all your walls with and you wished for it all of your life but you can't because it's your fault. Or it's a small thing getting called a slacker because this year you have headaches where you can't see sometimes let alone think. Or maybe it's your princiPAL scheduling a meeting and never actually talking to you.  Or maybe it's a small thing not being able to think straight because you work till 11 some nights so you can pay for your own food instead of borrowing money from your parents. Or maybe it's a small thing to keep everyone else happy and safe instead of yourself. Or maybe it's a small thing trying to find money for Christmas the way you want it. Or maybe it's trying to deal with your bitchy self. Or something small like saying I'm fine when asked are you ok or how are you when it is a question nobody except those close to you actually care about. All these small things and others are just small things through others eyes they only see one or two and I'm a complainer for being sad over small things but there isn't just one or two there are a lot of things small things but there is power in numbers. So think if you hear something small from someone it could be a small of a whole. And that is why I can't tell people why I'm sad it's just too much 

The Love That Burns Eternally

It's amazing how love can affect a person; not only physically, cuddling, kisses and warm fuzzy hugs, but mentally, thinking about this person non stop, feeling you can never say the right words, and even becoming an emotional wreck cuz there is a bump in the road ( yes I fell fault to this). I love showing love to this person but I seem to screw it up a lot, sorry. I see features I can't hold in because I'm so open around you. I do stupid things like call off plans and go sit outside your work your whole shift waiting for u to take your break then give u a ride home just for 5 mins of seeing this person's face. Driving home from dropping you off you have the feeling your leaving your first born child in a ditch. Or having the worse day ever and  having you in my arms make me able to take the worst of days on. love you, my boo boo :)

Forever and always,
Boo

Love or like

As of late I seemed to have a huge problem with deciding the difference between friendship and love. It is a topic way too often talked about, lets add to that number. These two are sooo similar often they develop and grow off of each other. In my case they are each other the only difference is the person you love, by love I mean gushy touchy feely, I want to spend the rest of my life with you love. One problem I personally endure is I love all my friends a bit too much. I also have the idea that everyone gets to fall in love with at least one person, by this I mean the second their eyes meet sparks fly. I just recently read a book where the two main charters had this happen.  The very second Nate and Adam's eyes met they knew and the sparks were so amazing everyone knew. When you have sparks like that your relationship never gets old or in need of help, you can endure just about anything. In order to love someone they have to also have the qualities  of a best friend, doesn't have to be one.  Friendship, what does that word mean to you? Personally it means the world to me. I classify my friends into two categories, friends and best friends, just as most people do. What a friend means to me is, somebody that is there for you without caring too much. They don't know veery much about you, or they don't really  try to find out more about you. There is little to no "spark" between you.  Best friends are that and so much more. They are always there for you no matter when, where, or what.  They have that "spark" In huge amounts. Almost that you could date them but, it's a different type of spark.  You tend to be a goof ball  with them. Some advice I give to you about how to find that spark, this is only if you truly want to find that person u have that huge love spark with. Now I bid you the best of luck in whatever direction you feel to go. "And my the odds be ever in your favor" -trinket (The hunger games.)

Quotes (ramdom)

Yes I will go for it for you.
If u fall or get knocked over ill catch you
 but I don't want to be the one pushing u.
 I want to be catching you.


life is tough so wear a helmet; 

life's too short to worrie about just one small thing  :D

Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy - Ludwig van Beethoven

Stop trying to look between the lines there is nothing there but white paper it is what is on the lines that counts. - David Wertz 

Take it from an old spectator. Life’s not a spectator sport. If watchin’ is all you’re gonna do, then you’re gonna watch your life go by without ya.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame

You’re focusing on the problem. If you focus on the problem, you can’t see the solution.
Arthur Mendelson – Patch Adams

You only Fail when you Don't Try:) not trying is failing- kris laird

Don't only practice your art. 
But, force your way into it's secrets for it and knowledge 
can raise men to the Divine. 

~ Ludwig Van Beethoven 

True love is tied to truth and the truth involves all the heart- (me)