Me

Let me talk a little about depression focusing on my own. It's kind of weird I feel I'm bipolar which is what causes it. But it's more than that. I WANT to be happy and usually I am until I take something personal. I can take any shit from anyone as long as they aren't close to me the closer they are the more vulnerable I am t getting hurt easily. So the depression usually is like a free fall starting up at the top. I'm happy then I drop at the initial comment which isn't supposed to mean anything but hits a weak spot then I drag myself up, not as high but up, ,some. Then another hit comes and I star acting sad or "out of it". Then people ask what's wrong and I cant say what's wrong, because I'm just sad because somebody hit a weak spot that is stupid in the first place. So after they ask and I say I'm fine they move on when I expect comfort they hold your hand for five minuets then enjoy themselves by playing games when I push away seeing how much they really care then get ignored and then  I sit here crying in the dark, lost. Then I sleep and do it all over again. When will it end? Will I ever find more comfort than a blanket? Probably not... He makes me happy when I'm already happy. But doesn't when I'm not.