Hangovers

So like any other cliché blog would do, let me ask some "thinking questions". What truly is a hangover? Is there a genuine time it starts and ends? Does it necessarily only have to do with drinking alcohol. The Webster's Online dictionary defines a hangover as "a letdown following great excitement or excess." So shouldn't that apply to every aspect that could be described a "rollercoaster" effect? Allow me to now explain the situation I am in. Tomorrow is my One year anniversary but guess where I'll be, alone experiencing the hangover that had just begun. Today I celebrated my anniversary with my boyfriend, Kyle, and it was amazing some of the activities enjoyed today include but aren't limited to a Pittsburgh trip (to put a lock on a bridge), a zoo trip ( why not?), Red Lobster ( My favorite), too many candles (inside joke), a trip up chimney rocks (jeans.... probably aren't the best idea), star gazing, and most of all an amazing boyfriend that cares soooo much!!! Now its all gone it has been exactly 42 minuets 46 seconds since he left and it hurts so badly already. My answer to when it starts, I want to say that it is always there it just waits to strike even during the excitement so I ask you in this exact time when I truly feel my entire beating heart is on its way to Virginia beach, what do I do?

Me

Let me talk a little about depression focusing on my own. It's kind of weird I feel I'm bipolar which is what causes it. But it's more than that. I WANT to be happy and usually I am until I take something personal. I can take any shit from anyone as long as they aren't close to me the closer they are the more vulnerable I am t getting hurt easily. So the depression usually is like a free fall starting up at the top. I'm happy then I drop at the initial comment which isn't supposed to mean anything but hits a weak spot then I drag myself up, not as high but up, ,some. Then another hit comes and I star acting sad or "out of it". Then people ask what's wrong and I cant say what's wrong, because I'm just sad because somebody hit a weak spot that is stupid in the first place. So after they ask and I say I'm fine they move on when I expect comfort they hold your hand for five minuets then enjoy themselves by playing games when I push away seeing how much they really care then get ignored and then  I sit here crying in the dark, lost. Then I sleep and do it all over again. When will it end? Will I ever find more comfort than a blanket? Probably not... He makes me happy when I'm already happy. But doesn't when I'm not.

Look!!!!

WHY CANT YOU SEE? I shouldn't have to tell you I'm sad or when I want comfort. I think not responding and obviously acting like myself should show something. Fucking care!!!!!!! Don't leave issues alone help me. Or at least get me  acting normal again. Why do you just look away when I'm sad? You have to notice I was practically in tears! Or after me playing "to be with you" watching the lyrics

 That means nothing?? I just am tired of sounding like the bad one for expecting a relationship not al friendship. I just don't know anymore. 

Btw your back doesn't help.....