Failures (they are eminent depression)

I feel it is time for a blog post sooo here it goes. You know this one will be one you will have to follow to find out the solution but here it goes.

I really don't know why and how my body works but I feel as if I am loosing my own battle. I mean I had a meeting with the principal and dean of students today and I locked up. I always get so nervous and I hurts because I know I'm not scared I just don't want to screw up. And yet I did. I feel I can win a battle every so often but I feel I'm just plain out loosing the war. I'm fighting for my grades and I'm loosing. I'm fighting for my future and I'm loosing. I'm fighting for my clear mind and I just can't get there some days I just can't think which it's not like I'm stoned and its my fault. The kid that loved school at the begging of the year now hates it and is in fear of being called gay to his face getting punched and when he tries to talk to teachers they are just to busy maybe later but when they need something I need to get on my hands and knees just to please them. Now on to the thing I love music I have region band I need  to learn the music for next week I haven't learned any yet...... And memorize Disney music and learn jazz and music and do my 4-5 pgs of homework and normally I'm modest but I just need to get it out. If feel like a terrible person and it truly hurts. I also feel that I need to be put into classes that are for students with a learning disorder because I feel downright dumb and it hurts. I just want a break to play music and breath. After my second failure of my drivers test today I really don't want to even go back I considered just riding the bus for now on. And I know I sound like a complainer but this is how I get it out without people judging me for being up tight. Normally I can handle all the stress but today I can't soo Hence a blog post .
I just can't take being called dumb and smart at the same time It is like giving somebody the keys to a new ford gt mustang convertible and then saying oh wait I'm sorry the paper says David wert not Wertz sorry  sooo it is like ripping out your heart I just feel dumb and telling me I'm smart doesn't change anything in my book I mean it means you care but I know who those people are soo yeah........ Once the solution comes to me ill be sure to pass it on to all of my glorious readers oh wait my four readers which is better than none I guess but hey sa la-vie..................................................... To be continued.