My life

My life

Sitting at the piano finishing Beethoven's "fur Elise" for the hundredth time.
School starts I have no one but my piano
The school is as bright as the sun but I deal with it. It smells a lot like glue too.
The long nights in the garage with dad are worth the world
This is when I first had a crush.

She was a peacock. Beautiful in every way.
Her singing voice amazing and best of all she was a musician too
The usual sucky pattern of love I got friend zoned
But she was amazing.

Third grade. This is the year my life started declining but also had more meaning.
My teacher called me dumb behind my back.
I constantly felt like under attack.
Then out of all this demeaning.

Silver shining it was amazing. The trumpet now reached my hand.
This was now my happiness // my bliss.
The music flowed in to and through me.
I was alive.

The Jr.high hit and it brought stress and hardships
Including the first love of my life
She cheated on me.
I died again.

Finally the year it all changes I get friends
I get better at trumpet people still beat me but I'm better
And this 10th graders year is going to be his best
Nope. Because he was dead.
 Only to revive himself with the only love he could find // music

Failures (they are eminent depression)

I feel it is time for a blog post sooo here it goes. You know this one will be one you will have to follow to find out the solution but here it goes.

I really don't know why and how my body works but I feel as if I am loosing my own battle. I mean I had a meeting with the principal and dean of students today and I locked up. I always get so nervous and I hurts because I know I'm not scared I just don't want to screw up. And yet I did. I feel I can win a battle every so often but I feel I'm just plain out loosing the war. I'm fighting for my grades and I'm loosing. I'm fighting for my future and I'm loosing. I'm fighting for my clear mind and I just can't get there some days I just can't think which it's not like I'm stoned and its my fault. The kid that loved school at the begging of the year now hates it and is in fear of being called gay to his face getting punched and when he tries to talk to teachers they are just to busy maybe later but when they need something I need to get on my hands and knees just to please them. Now on to the thing I love music I have region band I need  to learn the music for next week I haven't learned any yet...... And memorize Disney music and learn jazz and music and do my 4-5 pgs of homework and normally I'm modest but I just need to get it out. If feel like a terrible person and it truly hurts. I also feel that I need to be put into classes that are for students with a learning disorder because I feel downright dumb and it hurts. I just want a break to play music and breath. After my second failure of my drivers test today I really don't want to even go back I considered just riding the bus for now on. And I know I sound like a complainer but this is how I get it out without people judging me for being up tight. Normally I can handle all the stress but today I can't soo Hence a blog post .
I just can't take being called dumb and smart at the same time It is like giving somebody the keys to a new ford gt mustang convertible and then saying oh wait I'm sorry the paper says David wert not Wertz sorry  sooo it is like ripping out your heart I just feel dumb and telling me I'm smart doesn't change anything in my book I mean it means you care but I know who those people are soo yeah........ Once the solution comes to me ill be sure to pass it on to all of my glorious readers oh wait my four readers which is better than none I guess but hey sa la-vie..................................................... To be continued.

life long love

In honor of valentines day quickly approaching I decided to post something I made a while back but the thoughts and feelings are still the same........

  Music is life and life is wound by friends who care and dare to share the one most important thing to them...... Their heart. My life isn't measured by time frankly because time hasn't been able to be measured  always and forever but one thing has been............love. Love creates, builds,  and destroys for the task needed to be done.  Wether it is destroyed or built up to the hugest mountain love is needed and life with friends' compassion, forgiveness, and most of all love. 

The love that is in my heart today is A love for music, A  love for friendship, A love for working out life's forever problems and most important, A love for happily ever after endings that still happen today not only once upon a time.  Live for love and you will live forever in bliss as I do. 

Things most guys ( well at least mostly me) LOVE!:)

I recently spent this last week at home sick and around Thursday I got tired of being all negative about being all sick and stuff soo I decided to make a list of things that made me happy. After looking at this list I figured I myswell share it because I put some effort in to it sooooo without any further adue here it is.......

Things guys (mostly I) LOVE ...

 

1. Music I mean it is amazing It changes me every time I listen to it and I also can express my own self through it.  

2.  hair touched ( I may not show it but I absolutely love it):) I mean with in reason not every second. Ok but still I like it alot I feels sooo good. 

3. Others showing confidence ( I hate insecure people especially because every person on earth deserves to feel safe.)

4. Hugs are the best thing in the world. They make me feel so safe and okay with things 

5. I love to cry it relives me and also gives me chance for peace with myself. 

6. Wrestling is soo much fun not like punching but like testing strength and stuff. 

7. Hanging with friends. They make you who you are and help you through  all the hard times......and good times

8. Just thinking of memories and past people. 

9. lazy ness absolute the best thing in the world to be able to just with there and do nothing 

10. Finally I love to be encouraged to do things just when friends like tell me to get up with that puppy dog tone of voice it sounds stupid but I adore it :) 

11. I'm goin above and beyond I love being a kid and will be one for my whole life wether others like it or not and wether age likes it or not. :)