Time .... Trust....and True Friendship.

I sit her awake thinking of the the children that were killed and oddly enough flash backs keep popping in my head which I can't ignore Much longer.
 One flash back was of 3rd grade mrs. Waring's class we had inside recess because of rain. And what did I do I spent with my two best friends playing with out tech deck dudes whic for one best friend we had one foot Aggie which was a girl mine was a ninja and the other a dragon. The reason I'm saying this is those charters and friends playing with them were great friends and had fun with each other no matter what they looked like or sounded like or even what they wore. I look at this with astonishment because when you think of it in a small 7 years or 2,555 days or 61,320hrs or 3,679,200mins or 220,752,00sec. These three friends can move so far apart one of them speaking for myself is not confidently sure if the other two still go to his school....... That proves that friendships can fall apart but I'm here to say the feelings towards those friends don't change I would still jump in front of a speeding car for either.
Another instance is in orchestra again 3rd grade different teacher. There were 5 violists and in a year that thinned down to two which we were considered an amazing pair playing "frog in a tree" we also became best friends but the decider for this friendship wasn't either's choice  it was popularity's call and one got cool while the other is still in orchestra today and thus another friendship broken yet, I would still take a bullet for her. I guess what I'm saying is this whole broken friendship concept can be fixed With the same power that broke it apart in the first place.

Lost

Lost is a looser feeling you’re so sad you don't know what’s right. What you believe. or even why your crying. it is sad because i feel so lost right now my bestest friend in the whole wide world thinks I’m mad at her when I could and would never be mad at her. Why? Because she means the absolute world to you and you no matter how mad you want to be you move on and forget whatever mad you mad in the first place. Getting mad is just over rated. I mean it is normally over something that really doesn’t matter in the first place. I want to say personally I am personally sorry to anyone I may have hurt. Another thing that is over rated is life it’s self and I’m sorry.

Eulogy

       Since the day he was born, David's passion has been divided between two fates- his love for music and his love for people. 

       Music wasn't something he simply listened to-he lived it. I remember the days after school listening to him play piano in the practice room. What he played wasn't anything special or anything important. But, what he did play came from the heart and he showed expression towards the music he played, along with its full meaning if that meant through lyrics or just his personal interpretation. His love for music really started his love for people.s With all the events and festivals meeting new people became an easy task for him. He turned this new found love for people in to one of his life goals.

       His passion for people certainly didn't stop at wanting the perfect girl as he stated in one blog entry "I lay here hand over my heart not thinking of being proud but thinking of love. My heart beats the same as everyone else but my heart is beating for someone and in the same beat and time as some one it is just finding that exact person that exact heart and exact soul. To love and cherish and hold our hearts together beating in time forever. <3". He also  loved meeting new people, all kinds, young, old, shy, desperate, sad, helpful, even annoying. He not only helped and listened to people through his blog but, he had 3-4 friends 1-2 years younger than him always asking him for advice and turnout of his own past. He always was there for people whenever they needed someone just to talk to. Even if he had some troubles at the time such as Minot depression, sickness, or even a bad breakup he would be there for you.

       While fighting through minor depression, his hope would just plummet to the ground and even cease to exist. But in all aspects his loves in life out weighed the disappointments. His mottos of no regrets and always stay positive saved himself many times and formed and shaped him into what we saw him as today. He beat the odds and concurred depression at its worst form. In all aspects he was loved and felt loved by all of his friends,teachers, and family.like when he went back to his childhood elementary school. All his past teachers would remember every fine detail of him they even remembered his name. 

       His final words are the words of his most memorable blog post "My last wish would be for my friends and family's well being to be kept safe and them to stick together and for the love of my life to be safe and at ease." In that I say his last wish would be met with this letter. He was a great friend, companion, musician and person. He will be forever missed and remembered in our hearts and lives.

And yes this is me talking to my self. So what if I'm messed up :-) aren't we all. Oh btw this was a project for English class.

What do you live for?

(while writing this I was listing to "River Flows in You" which with you reading this I think you should do the same)

Sitting here I think what do I live for? Why fight for life why strive for happiness, grades or even love when pain is right around the corner.

Friends I know now I may never see again after graduation. And friend fail you when you need them most. Not their fault because they don't know your falling apart or is it?

Religion is studied everywhere in the world. It is to explain what happens when the world ends and when you die but do we truly know what happens? And which religion is truly right?

Sports I would never live for they involve physical energy out towards a certain area. For what? The pride of standing on top of someone else? Beating them?

Family? I would never live for family they love you because they have to and when they don't because they have to and it is true it seems to always fade or be focused on someone else. Soo do they love you? Or is it a never ending circle of expectation?

This hurts the most. Music I would say music keeps me going but it also tears me down. Again there is always a winer someone better and stronger. Getting lost In music as I am now is why I live today and always. Of course everyone is open to their opinions and beliefs. But if I loose that I die. So I close this with "Why do you live?".

My Two Sides

Looking at me right this moment i see two sides one who is loosing a battle with none other than himself and two somebody so accomplished and proud for his age and position. He is losing the battle because he considers himself a loser and not worth it. Also his stress levels rise daily from bad orch auditions to school work garage work football games studying helping Church and sleeping. He feels like he is losing friends daily just because his energy is no longer able to peruse through the tiredness and ache. On the bright Side he sees himself as a member of a select group of future leaders. He sees himself gain knowledge and staying positive about his downs. He also see himself crashing. Plummeting to his defeat. He is me. And I me.

You......

Your part of every little thought that goes in my mind
I know I shouldn't even waste your time
But my feelings for you keep growing strong
From the first time I met u its been so long

So I'm writing this song for you
And I really don't know what else to do

As My Heart Beats

I lay here hand over my heart not thinking of being proud but thinking of love. My heart beats the same as everyone else but my heart is beating for someone and in the same beat and time as some one it is just finding that exact person that exact heart and exact soul. To love and cherish and hold our hearts together beating in time forever. <3

Worthlesss

I feel like my life is worthless the time spent working and thinking has faded. Like a piece of driftwood once wishing to be made into something special ending up along the shore worthless and unwanted some people just leave it sit to be stepped on; others throw it back because they don't want to see it or deal with it any longer. My love has left me for no one but it's self. For I no longer could feel the sweet sweet bliss I once felt of never being beat

My last WISH!

            Well I was thinking and well this thought probably crossed everyone's mind once or twice. What if I die today right now or what if I'm struck with something in which there is only enough time for one more wish. And well I thought about this subject for a while and this is deff. What I want to say. My last wish would be for my friends and family's well being to be kept safe and them to stick together. Of course there are the wishes; to meet buddy vlastro ( the cake boss) and also to meet Simon Crowell which could be done as a last wish but if they were my last wish I would die sadden and incomplete. Why?? You might ask because just because I met them doesn't mean I mean anything to them I would wish to be on a friend basis and actually meet them not their tv masks they put on. Or my last wish could be to get the music educators degree which with me the thought is way more important than the actual degree a measly piece of paper. I deffantally would want to also point out about how people say after someone is dead they say like "he would have wanted this or this was very important to him." when really they don't know my thoughts. Soo don't do that. Now to why I'm writing this as a young 15yr old and thinking deep about it and not even having a disease or deadly sickness. My answer is " I'm not sick and hurting but in the next hour I could be in a car flying off a bridge plummeting to my death yes at only 15 also there are diseases that aren't discovered until one is dead I could have that what ever takes me down i want you to know I'm perfectly fine as long as this is told to everyone as MY LAST WISH